Don't Say His Name!
by Rebonack7
Summary: Dumbledore is a few minutes late for the Underage Magic trial during Year 5. Finding himself alone against the Wizengamot, Harry decides to use a most unconventional method of defense. Inspired by a certain famous comedy sketch.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Blackadder.**

**A/N: I proudly present my first story! Please note this is not to be taken seriously at all; I wrote it simply for a quick laugh. I would appreciate any reviews, however!**

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Don't Say His Name!

A Parody by Rebonack7

At a special session of the Wizengamot, the audience was buzzing with excitement and intrigue (quite literally, in the case of one Rita Skeeter). It seemed that Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, was on trial for the illegal use of underage magic. Under normal circumstances, the audience's thoughts would be on why a simple case of underage magic, even by the Boy Who Lived, would warrant a trial by the full Wizengamot. However, the Ministry's propaganda machines had done their job of painting Harry as an attention-seeking delinquent, and the audience was fully hoping to see him expelled, regardless of the trial's legality.

However, the few people on Harry's side quickly noticed something odd. As Harry took his seat in the defendant's chair, even as the chair's magical restraints snaked around him, his face showed nothing more than a knowing grin. His expression spoke exactly what must have been on his mind: _"I know how small my chances are, but I have an insane plan that just might work."_

Conversely, Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic, was radiating arrogance at a rate that would make even Lucius Malfoy jealous. As far as he was concerned, this trial was the end of all his problems. The Potter boy would be booted from the magical world, and Dumbledore would be completely discredited, thus removing the two biggest threats to his powerbase in one fell swoop. Admittedly, he had no idea why the boy had felt the need to use a Patronus Charm in a muggle neighborhood, but he certainly wasn't complaining.

Fudge banged his gavel on his desk, initiating the trial. "Harry James Potter, you are charged with casting a Patronus Charm in a muggle neighborhood, thus violating both the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Magic Act and the Statute of Secrecy. You are also charged with sedition, for spreading lies about You-Know-Who returning."

Before Fudge could continue, Harry raised his head and spoke. "When you say You-Know-Who, I presume you are referring to Voldemort?"

Instantly, a siren began blaring, as magical barriers sprung to life around the Wizengamot and the Minister, who were in the process of screaming and diving for cover. Aurors sped into the room and began haphazardly launching stunners in every direction, much to the dismay of a few unlucky members of the audience.

After about a minute of this, the panic had died down, as people began to realize that Death Eaters had not immediately leapt out of nowhere at the mention of their master's name.

Fudge was still sweating and trying to catch his breath, so Senior Undersecretary Dolores Umbridge spoke on his behalf. "Mr. Potter, in spite of spending a good portion of your life with muggles, I would think you had spent enough time in the Wizarding World to know that you must never speak the name of You-Know-Who."

Harry shrugged as well as he could with the chains wrapped around him. "Why aren't you supposed to call him Voldemort?"

The sired blared back into action as the force fields shot up and the Aurors rocketed into the room. The Wizengamot began cowering under their chairs, with a few even speeding towards the emergency exits. Fudge himself was curled into the fetal position and rocking back and forth while sobbing.

Once the Aurors had stopped stunning innocent wizards in the audience and managed to restore order, Fudge climbed back into his chair, looking rather disheveled, and began explaining. "Back during the war, Death Eaters tended to show up whenever someone said the Dark Lord Thingy's real name."

Harry grinned. "So in other words, you'll do that every time somebody says Voldemort?"

This time, the front few rows of the audience followed the Wizengamot's lead in ducking for cover, allowing a new set of wizards to experience the effects of the greatly decreased standards of Aurors. A few of the more observant members of the audience noticed an odd smell coming from the relative direction of the Wizengamot.

Fudge recovered much more quickly this time. "Will you stop that?! Why can't you just call him by a nickname like the rest of us?"

Harry adopted a look of understanding. "I see. Okay, from now on, I'll try to refer to him as You-Know-Who."

Fudge sighed with relief. "THANK you!"

Harry continued. "Rather than Voldemort."

This time, the entire audience ducked, so the Aurors accomplished nothing more than stunner-induced property damage. Several members of the Wizengamot had their stampede toward the emergency exits brought to a halt after they slipped on the puddles left over from the last incident.

It was at this point that Dumbledore arrived to defend Harry, but it proved unnecessary, as a majority of the Wizengamot had come to a decision. An elderly witch by the name of Griselda Marchbanks spoke up.

"All in favor of dropping all charges to get Mr. Potter out of this courtroom immediately?"

Nearly every wand in the Wizengamot raised in approval, and it was clear that the few who didn't were sorely tempted.

"Well, that certainly went well," said Harry cheerfully. "I told you I could handle this myself, sir."

"I suppose," sighed Dumbledore. "Just what did you do to them? Even on my way in, I could hear the alarms and the screaming. It reminded me of back when I was fighting that one Dark Lord. Err, what was his name again?"

"Voldemort?" Harry offered helpfully.

At this point, any wizard with even basic pattern recognition skills could tell you what happened.

"No, it wasn't him," Dumbledore muttered. Then, his face lit up in realization. "Now I remember! It was the Dark Lord Grindewald!"

"Of course it was, sir."

As Harry exited the courtroom, his final sentence could clearly be heard.

"Grindewald, not Voldemort."

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**A/N: I know someone has probably done this idea before, but I thought I would offer my take on it. Please review!**


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